PHD IS HARD GUYS

Baru tau ke? hahahahahahhahaha

I went into this without having heard or read anything relating to how hard it would be. Maybe at that time I was being very optimistic/taking things easy or maybe just dumb hahahahahahahaha

Or maybe because I came from a coursework background so this full-mode research is hard for me? Maybe. But nevertheless, if you ever want to pursue ur phd please know ur BIG WHY.



WHY u want to do this?

WHY and how big the impact it would be to you and those surrounding you.

Because phd is a long journey and often times you will feel discouraged. At least for me it was. Often times I feel like giving up but it's not in my nature to give up. I have never given up on anything up until this point of my life. But I do feel discouraged at times, no motivation and all. Research is complex it does not rely on you only it involves different external factors; especially if you are doing experimental works. The issues would be money and equipments. When you have money but the equipment for analysing your sample is broken. Or when you have the slot for the analysis but you don't have money. I know life is hard 😂

But, I'm picking myself up at this point. Just got some motivation to start again hahaha. Wish me luck guys!

Covid-19

All of us were taken aback by this pandemic. 

All of us were affected by this.

What's sadder is we are approaching Eidul Fitri.

The sad part is not only that we cannot go back to our hometown and see our parents, it's more than that.

It's been months I haven't go back to my hometown. Last it was last year December. And the saddest part is my parents will be on their own this Raya 😢

But with all being said, we haven't won yet. So this is the sacrifices we need to make. Be strong everyone. May we always be protected and may there be light at the end of the tunnel. 

Motivation

I really need u right now. Come to me please~

Can't seems to get anything done at the moment. Is this what they called author's block? 

If so I really need to remove it ASAP 😂

Happy New Year!

It's the start of a new year!

May we become wiser, happier, healthier, closer to God Almighty and 

may our wishes for this year come true 😊

As for me, I only have one wish this year. And they said not to reveal your plan cause it will reduce the probability of it to actually come true. So I'm keeping my wish with the Almighty in my prayer only 👐😇

The story of how I get free handsfree kit!!

Assalamualaikum and hye,

So today I will be telling a story of how I got myself a free handsfree (excuse the repetitive word of 'free' can't seem to find another word to replace it). In case you are wondering, a handsfree is a must have item for breastfeeding mum who is away from their baby for a period of time (working mums etc.). Having a handsfree surely will save you all the hassle of holding that funnel and bottle while you are pumping and for me sakit tengkuk sbb dok usha tengok botoi tapi kena duduk straight hahaha I donno why I felt like that. So handsfree will give the freedom to express anytime, anywhere you want (I even use it while I was driving sbb stuck dlm traffic jam), in other time I use it every day while sitting at my table doing my works. Okay so kita boleh conclude yg handsfree ni ibarat penyelamat la okay dah masuk cerita dh melalut pulak haha.

The story goes like this; I was surveying a new pump because the one that I was using at the moment is a borrowed one from my cousin (tq kakngah hehe). I was thinking xkanla nk guna yg kakngah ja sampai ke sudah so I went to pumponthego cawangan wangsa maju sbb dekat dgn rumah actually to try their handsfree tp dh alang2 tryla sekali pump. I immediately fell in love with Spectra 9+. I thought the suction was very soft but it was able to express quite a lot in such a short time. But the problem was the price it is very expensive uolzzzz well expected la kan sbb barang bagus sobs (crying) and I dont even experience using medela yet. Okay back to the story; the price back then and it still is; RM 760 😑 so terpaksa matikan impian cause if I knew earlier then I would have make tabung pump on my first day of knowing that I am pregnant haha.

Then one day, my husband was talking about this website called Gmarket where you can buy stuff from Korea and send it all the way to Malaysia. Well, Spectra is actually made in Korea. So immediately I search for it on the website and I found it wayyy cheaper than being sold in Malaysia which is RM 300 (something xingat) but apparently they did not ship Spectra 9+ overseas they only do that for Spectra S9. So that ends my dream of buying it. OR SO I THOUGHT.

Few days after that, I found an advertisement showing the Spectra 9+ with approximately lower price than in Malaysia which was RM 413.85 being sold in 11street. And this is where the drama begins hahaha. I have made a thorough check on the seller checking all the reviews and everything and so far *at that time* I could almost swear that I only found 1 or 2 bad reviews about the seller compared to like berpuluh2 review yg okay so I was very optimist 👍. So I laid all the plan to my skeptical husband 😏 and he agreed so I pun purchase hahaha.

At their page, they have already highlighted that the shipping will be quite slow because direct shipping from Korea kan and from most of the review, they received it around 2-3 weeks time. So I was willing to wait. But 1 week become 2 then 3 then a month! And suddenly secara tiba-tiba all these negative reviews were coming in sobs hahahaha 😂. While my husband tiap2 hari tya pump dh sampai ka belum kahkah. I could almost see a glimpse of hope when one day I received a call from Gdex saying they want to deliver my item. In my head, I was like thinking what item that I bought (sbb time tu dok menggila beli barang baby haha) then I remembered owh maybe pump kot. I was not at home that time kebetulan my dad ada kat rumah dia tlg ambikkan. Bila tya dia pun xtau apadia I even asked that Gdex dispatch boy they also dont know so okay. Time balik tu rasa mcm berbunga2nya nk try pump baru (I even rub it on my skeptical husband that I was not being conned sbb dia dok ckp kena tipu haha). Sampai2 rumah teruih terpa cari kotak nampak2 ja *bunyi kaca pecah* THEY SENT ME THE WRONG ITEM. Sadis nya la time ni dhla tggu sebulan pastu tgok2 hantaq benda lain oulak. They sent me the handsfree instead of the pump sobs.


So now comes to the part when I started the spamming and emailing haha. I spammed hard uolz I can't even believe it hahaha. I even called 11street and they were quite helpful and reassuring. They asked me to send the detail to their email explaining my situation so I did. 

After a while longer the seller also asked me to email them the picture of the wrong item so I was like okayyy xkena tipu haha. But after a while krik2 jugak they did not reply my email so I waited like one month then I explode 😡. I sent this really long email to 11street siap ckp lagi kalau xdpt apa2 then this should be my first and last time buying from you siap signed frustrated customer (I know I'm being dramatic but can't help it byk kot duit tuu). Boy, that really got their attention so after a few days I got a reply from 11 street saying that the seller agreed to refund me and as for the handsfree I dont have to return it yeayyy! Time ni yeay dlm hati je sbb takut refund tak dpt so my contingency plan was to sell that handsfree at least I can get half of the money back haha. But after a while (not a while) it was one month! Xdak apa2 hmmmm. And I spammed them again; continuously. Celah2 ni pulak 11street discontinue their costumer hotline like what and whyyy. Time ni dh mcm nk giveup but I was thinking if kena tipu might as well spammed their page let others know. So there I was spamming their page every day with capslock on hahaha. My last action that actually helps was when I posted my complaint on 11street app maybe somewhere at the Q&A section if I am not mistaken. Because at this point the email for 11st complaint does not reply me anymore. So immediately after I emailed, I got the reply and the next day tadaaaa 😆

So the war lasted for about 3 months. The positive light from all this is I got myself this for free~

There are quite a few moral of the story;

1) Jangan sebab nak benda murah you are willing to take the risk of not getting ur item or worse you get it but no warranty since it came from overseas

2) Do not stop fighting for your right. If you know you are not wrong and have all the evidence do whatever means necessary to get thighs right again

3) Thank you 11 street for entertaining me and help me solve my case

4) Honestly, the seller is not a scammer. I think they just have poor management in terms of handling the delivery. But will I try to purchase again? No thank you 😂 

Okay so next time I will give my honest review on spectra handsfree lets hope I am rajin enough to type it. Post ni pun lama gila dok dlm draft hahahaha.

The day that changed my life

Assalamualaikum and hye!

I am writing again as one of my stress relievers hahaha. I read it in Facebook this one phd graduate gave advice on how she keeps her sanity during finishing her phd which was to write about anything somewhere. Like literally anything at all just write so that u have somewhere to channel your thoughts and lemme tell you I have A LOT running in my mind. Be it whether it is research-related or not it was always there in my mind hahaha. But fret not I still have my sanity haha. So today I'm gonna share a significant event where I have finally reached another milestone in my life; the day I become a mother.

28062018 (Thursday)

The day that changes my life forever. I've become a mother in the blink of an eye (well it's not a blink; 9 months plus few hours in the labor room to be exact haha). To tell this story I must reverse back for a little bit to Saturday which is the day of Pokoje mini-reunion at Ayin's house for raya. Skip all the details but what I want to share is Kak Kira gave me advice on how I can try to help ease or maybe not ease but just to reduce the time of delivery which is to jalan itik around the house I mean in the house of course. It works wonder on her I remembered how she only took 30 minutes for Amaris to be born at that time. So I took her advice but I start a little bit late; I wanted to do it on Sunday but my mom doesn't allow me because she will only be in KL the following day, Monday. Takut nk terberanak dh katanya hahaha sbb my due was on the next Monday so basically I was just counting days. So I jalan itik around my tiny living room while one hand grabbing anything while moving around and the other tampung bawah perut haha. I did this around few minutes jugak sbb sampai penat la kiranya then followed by few squats sampai penat jugak. That night I don't feel anything so I rileks ja la dlm hati oo ambik masa rupanya but I'm not rushing anything sbb appointment dgn Dr Khairiah was on Friday.

The following day, Wednesday, I woke up with sakit perut style nk membuang tapi dgn susah payah. Penat dok teran xkluaq apa so okay buat xtau ja la ingat sembelit biasa. Then after few hours sakit perut tu mai balik and luckily this time mmg poo2 la so okay tak syak apa pun. Then come tengahari ada la secalit darah but very little. I showed my mum and she said that the sign was the same with her back then. So I asked; berapa lama lagi agak2? - Depends rasa sakit apa2 dak? - Takdak rasa besa ja. - Okay esok pagi kot. So okay chill lagi. Petang tu sempat lagi buat jalan itik seround squat sikit then I slept around 4 pm tp time ni adala rasa cramp perut tu skali tapi dia hilang. In the meantime, I informed my husband about the tanda and he said rilek awai lagi ni sbb mostly colleagues dia ckp anak first slalu lama sikit so rilek ja haha. Petang tu sempat lagi selit order rotiboy selain ubat sembelit and disposable panties (sbb baca kat facebook) haha.

Malam Rabu

Around 8.30 I took the ubat sembelit sbb pagi tadi kan sembelit plus from what I read in Facebook they said to consume it two-three days earlier from the due date. But since I have apt on Friday so I minum ja la siap2. I still remembered that time ada world cup but I dont remember which team played but the game was boring and kinda suck sbb my husbnad doesn't seems to be bothered to watch the whole game. Then I remembered noticing the spotting increases around 11 pm and I showed to my mother. And she was like, "Ha ni nak dekat sgt dah ni. Dah p tidoq esok pagi p hospital" Okay so p la masuk tidoq. Few minutes in my husband has already dozed off and I tried to sleep too but suddenly there was this sharp pain at my stomach. I think that time was around 1130 pm. At that time my mum was already asleep as well as everyone else. At first I try to ignore the pain sbb ingat sakit perut nk poo2 mcm pagi tadi tu but after a while the pain was unbearable so I woke my husband up and told him but with his sleepy eyes and wandering mind he took no action continue sleeping haha. So I opened the apps and timed the contraction. It was 5 minutes apart and lasted for about 1 minute. Bila trend dh konsisten I woke him up again that time was around 12 something. So kali ni dia mcm dh separuh sedar tapi still dok atas katil at that time I was already kneeling on the floor around pukul 1 pagi dah2 xboleh tahan dah so I decided to go to the hospital. Dia pun bangun kemas2 taking his own sweet time meanwhile I pun siap2 I pakai seluaq jeans okay sbb expect nk beranak esok pagi hahahaha. Tgok2 beg yg dh kemas beforehand then nk jalan kluar tu tiba2 sakit perut yg teramat sgt lagi skali so I thought okay ni mcm pagi tadi ni okay tryla poo2 dulu and I pooped! Byk pulak tu hahahaha lepas tu lega kejap. Then woke my parents up siap ckp maila hospital esok pagi ni dh lambat dh ni nk p cek ja ni dulu :'D

We were on the way to the hospital around 2 am in the morning. Jalan lengang and the hospital is quite near to our house it only took us around 15 minutes. Dah sampai tu parking dulu and my husband confidently tak bawak naik barang apa pun sbb dia ckp "Ni nk cek ja kan?' hahahaha even while we were otw he still thinks that we need to wait until the morning. Dah sampai kat kaunter tu I told the nurse my situation and she said "Kenapa tak check in kat Emergency boleh diorg tolak dgn kerusi roda" to which the blur me replied "Dah sy boleh jalan lagi sy jalan la" hahahaha because my friend told me that her doctor said if you still can walk then bukaan tu xbyk lagi so I was expecting that hahaha. Time ni mmg contraction tu mai 5 minit sekali so bila sakit tu mai brenti jap pegang perut then sambung jalan. Then the nurse showed me to the labor room to which she pasang that CTG scan around my tummy and left the room. I think sbb dia ingat I chill2 dia pun rilek la kot sbb lepas dia pasang tu lama jugak dia tggai and then dia dtg balik to check. When she looked at the CTG scan I could tell from her expression that she was shocked. Well I dont know how to read the CTG scan if I do then I will be shocked too. Terus dia ckp "Eh mai nk cek bukaan tgok" So okay I was mentally ready to the experience yg org dok ckp kena seluk tu in my mind I was like okay let's hope dia xcek byk3 kali and yes to that request nurse cek2 dia ckp dh 8 CM! Time ni I memang haaaa?????!!! GELABAH. HAHAHAHAHA. Tadi boleh tahan sakit kan bila dh tau bukaan 8 cm terus rasa sakit gelabah nk pengsan smua ada hahahahahaha. Well obviously my husband was shocked too (dalam hati mcm nk ckp haaa kan org dh ckp sakittt xpercaya but knowing that anytime I will be fighting for this baby I ignore ja la save for later haha). Then the nurse told my husband that he need to register and all that so he left me alone in the labor room. Then the other nurse (yg muda) okay tadi nurse yg cek bukaan tu yg tua skit take note ni karakter penting haha. So the younger nurse took my blood pressure and cucuk jarum kat tgn utk boh ubat apatu pastu dia chow. Tggu lama kejap nurse yg quite berusia masuk cek apa xtau time ni nk terkencing pulak so I asked for her permission to go to the toilet to which she replied. "Okay boleh tapi awak jgn teran dlm tu pulak ye" I was like 50-50 nk pegi ke tak dilema pulak tp pegi jugak sbb xtahan hahaha. Nasib baik mmg kencing je time ni jgn ckpla darah kluar mcm air paip hahaha. Dh habis tu my husband pun dh balik time ni call la my mum; dia pun terkejut tapi dok bagi semangatla semua. Time ni baru nk berdrama swasta nk mintak maaf apa semua tu sempatla ckp and my mum pun reply mcm suara dh nk nangis while I nk touching2 jgakla nk nangis tapi xjadi terus mcm okay2 xboleh ckp dh sakit then pass telefon kat amar hmm. My in-law pulak xleh reach time ni dh 3 pagi camtu kot semua org tido hahaha.

Around pukul 3.15 am. Nurse yg quite berusia masuk dia pecahkan air ketuban. Perghh mcm tu rupanya perasaan air ketuban pecah hangat ja rasa hahaha then dia ckp eh baby awak dh berak ni ha engkau gelabah la hai time ni sbb slalu dok baca kalau baby berak kena emergency czer. Time ni mmg berdoala Ya Allah jgnla kena czer. Then I asked her mana doktor? Dr otw -.- hahahaha. tapi dia reply tu dia mcm rilek2 tau so I pun mcm okay things under control lagi kot. 3.30 am Dr Khairiah sampai terus dia duduk depan tu then said push3 sikit lagi hahaha well easy to say but for a first timer mmg kelaut la weyyy. Nurse tu asyik marah ja sbb teknik salah nasib baik Dr chill2 ckp lembut hahaha. Memang all the time tu nurse mmg marah ja memanjang and I know I did nothing right but alhamdulillah 3.54 am kluarla my baby girl :)

That feeling bila dh kluar tu mmg xleh nk describe lgsg. All the pain I felt earlier; gone. That warm feeling. Suddenly I have so much love for this tiny human being Subhanallah :')
My baby was born with a normal weight for a full term healthy baby and was doing fine. Cause at first I was afraid that she might eat her own feces or what not but Alhamdulillah semua okay.


Well, baru beberapa minit lega then Dr terus jahit hmmm and this shall be the pain that I will remember forever hahahaha.


But despite everything, I was blessed that my delivery was smooth. Everyday when I was pregnant I prayed for ease in delivering my baby cause I was scared imagining all the pains that I heard from my friends. And Alhamdulillah Allah granted my doa :')
My mum shared with me earlier that morning; "Kalau lah Allah tak hilangkan rasa sakit bersalin tu, takdak sorang pun ibu yg nk mengandung lepas dia dh beranak sekali. Tapi Allah tu Maha Penyanyang, Maha Mengetahui Dia hilangkan kesakitan bersalin tu supaya ibu2 dah xingat perasaan sakit tu mcm mana". Cause earlier I was asking my mum and she repeatedly saying sakit tapi xtau nk describe perasaan tu mcm mana. Indeed He is the most Loving and Knowing. He replaced the pain with overflowing love for our newborn. Alhamdulillah terima kasih Allah. Having experienced this, I now know the pain my mum has gone through huhu. Tq mama for everything <3 p="">
So that is the story of how I gave birth to my firstborn, my daughter Wan Nuha binti Wan Ahmad Ammar :) May you be blessed with all the wonders in the world and hereafter. Semoga membesar menjadi anak yg solehah, berbakti kepada agama, keluarga dan orang sekeliling. Semoga sentiasa berada di bawah jagaan dan lindunganNya amin.

Beautiful Mostar #3

Hye~

Okay dah lama post ni berhabuk kat dalam ni hahaha

Been very busy lately so while having this free time I will try to update as much as I can.

So following the previous post, we were on the schedule to go to Blagaj Tekija and Pocitelj. So first we went to Blagaj Tekija. The journey is not that long but along the way we were mesmerized by the beautiful nature surrounding the area #subhanallahmoment.

The air was cool and breezy. Abg Eddin said this is where the source of their water came from. Like the largest source. And it should be. The water was crystal clear and clean running along the river that came from a cave. When we arrived at Blagaj, we were stunned by the beauty of it. The entrance fee was only 2 Euro *if I am not mistaken*

Okay less talking more pitcha so here goes~

From mostar to blagaj tekke. That's why I would recommend to rent a car or any package so it would be easier. You might want to try public transport though. 

Abg Edin risau xbagi main dekat2 tebing tu ;D kekekeke

Dia ckp dalam

Reflection :)

Okay nanti sambung lagi. Sebenarnya ni draft nk post je so xtulis byk hahahaha